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Military
Jokes :
Coach
Bobby Ross had put together the perfect Lions team.
The only thing he was missing was a good quarterback.
He had scouted all the colleges, and even the high schools,
but he couldn''t find a ringer quarterback who could
ensure a Super Bowl win. Then one night, while watching
CNN, he saw a war-zone scene in Bosnia. In one corner
of the background, he spotted a young Bosnian soldier
with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand grenade
straight into a 15th-story window 200 yards away --
ka- boom! He threw another hand grenade into a group
of 10 soldiers 100 yards away -- ka-blooey! Then a car
passed, going 90 mph -- bulls-eye! "I''ve got to
get this guy!" Ross said to himself. "He has
the perfect arm!" So, he brings him to the States
and teaches him the great game of football, and the
Lions go on to win the Super Bowl for the first time
in history. The young Bosnian is lioni zed as the Great
Hero of football, and when Ross asks him what he wants,
all the young man wants to do is to call his mother.
"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just
won the Super Bowl." "I don''t want to talk
to you," the old woman says. "You deserted
us. You are not my son." "I don''t think you
understand, Mother!" the young man pleads. "I
just won the greatest sporting event in the world. I''m
here among thousands of my adoring fans." "No,
let me tell you," the mother retorts. "At
this very moment, there are gunshots all around us.
The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers
were beaten within an inch of their lives last week,
and this week your sister was raped in broad daylight."
The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says "...I''ll
never forgive you for making us move to Detroit."
General Heath, a famous lover of parade music and marching
drill ceremonies, once listened to a symphonic orchestra
playing.When asked about his impressions, he commented:"No
military precision in drill...""Why?""Did
you see those violin players? They were moving their
bows not in cadence."
A retired sergeant was asked: "Well, how do you
like civilian life?""Terrible," he said
gruffly, "all those people around and nobody in
charge!"
During an army basic training, the lieutenant took the
batch on a match and asked each of them where home was.
After everyone had answered, he sneered and said "you
are all wrong, the army is now your home".Back
at the barracks, he read the evening duties, then asked
the first sergeant if he had anything to say "you
bet I do" the sergeant replied, "men, while
you were gone today, I found beds improperly made, clothes
not hanging correctly, shoes not shined and footlockers
a mess. Where do you think you are? Home?
There was this General-in-training, and his superioirs
were asking him questions "What happened on June
6, 1944?" "We stormed the beach at Normandy,
which later became known as D-Day, sir!" "What
was the turining point of wordl war 2?" "Battle
of the bulge, sir!" "What''s is the importance
of May 12" The Man thought and thought "I
don''t know, sir!" The superior then said "Well,
I''ll tell your wife that you forgot her birhtday" |
