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Cat
Jokes :
For
all of you with teenagers or who have had teenagers,
or are a teenager, you may want to know why they really
have a lot in common with cats: - Neither teenagers
nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name.
- No matter what you do for them, it is not enough.
Indeed, all humane efforts are barely adequate to compensate
for the privilege of waiting on them hand and foot.
- You rarely see a cat walking outside of the house
with an adult human being, and it can be safely said
that no teenager in his or her right mind wants to be
seen in public with his or her parents. - Even if you
tell jokes as well as Jay Leno, neither your cat nor
your teen will ever crack a smile. - No cat or teenager
shares you taste in music. - Cats and teenagers can
lie on the living-room sofa for hours on end without
moving, barely breathing. - Cats have nine lives. Teenagers
carry o n as if they did.- Cats and teenagers yawn in
exactly the same manner, communicating that ultimate
human ecstasy -- a sense of complete and utter boredom.
- Cats and teenagers do not improve anyone''s furniture.
- Cats that are free to roam outside sometimes have
been known to return in the middle of the night to deposit
a dead animal in your bedroom. Teenagers are not above
that sort of behavior. Thus, if you must raise teenagers,
the best sources of advice are not other parents, but
veterinarians. It is also a good idea to keep a guidebook
on cats at hand at all times. And remember, above all
else, put out the food and do not make any sudden moves
in their direction. When they make up their minds, they
will finally come to you for some affection and comfort,
and it will be a triumphant moment for all concerned.
A woman is walking in the park when she sees a man playing
chess with his cat. She says to the man "I can''t
believe what I''m seeing, a cat that plays chess, what
a clever animal!!" The man replied "Nah lady
this cats not clever at all I''m beating it 6 games
to 1"
Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when
his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what
the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked,
"Whatcha doing, Tim?" "My goldfish died,"
replied the boy tearfully, without looking up. "And
I''ve just buried him." The neighbor was concerned.
"That''s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn''t
it?" Tim patted down the last heap of earth then
replied, "That''s because he''s inside your cat."
Q: When is a bad time to cross a black cat?A: When you
are a mouse!
Q: Where did the kittens go on their class trip? - A:
To a mewseum. |
