Car & Train Jokes :

A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three Hell''s Angels'' bikers walked in. The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man''s pie and then took a seat at the counter. The second walked up to the old man, spat into the old man''s milk and then he too took a seat at the counter. The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man''s plate, and then he took a seat at the counter. Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner. Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he?" The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver either, he just backed his big-rig over three motorcycles."

A man was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked if he had anything to say in his defense. "They shouldn''t put up such misleading notices," said the man. "It said FINE FOR PARKING HERE."
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife''s voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there''s a car going the wrong way on 280 Interstate. Please be careful!" "Hell," said Herman, "It''s not just one car. It''s hundreds of them!"
One day there was a family driving in the car to Michigan to visit their relatives. They were looking for the street they had to turn on to get to their relatives house. They accedently turned on the wrong street so they had to pull in a driveway and turn around. When they pulled into the driveway the girl asked her mother "Why dont these people have electricity?" Very confused the mother said, "Wut are u talking about?" The girl quickly replied, "Well, the sign back there said NO OUTLET!"
A man is driving along in the Irish countryside, when he comes to a petrol station, since he''s in need of petrol, the man decides to stop. He says to the attendant at the station, "Fill it up, will you?". The man says "Sorry - we''re right out of petrol." So the man considers, and says "Well, I''m a bit low on oil, would you mind topping that up?" And the attendant responds"Sorry, but no oil either." The man thinks, and asks the attendant to wash his windscreen, to which he gets the by-now predictable response that he can''t do that. The man at this point is fairly mad, so he asks the attendant "Just what kind of petrol station is this ?" The attendant then looks both ways, and very carefully whispers to the man "To tell you the truth, this is just an IRA front." The man then says "Well, in that case, you can blow up the tyres !"