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Aviation
Jokes :
A
little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window.A
few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong mean-looking,
hulking guy plops down in the seat next to him and immediately
falls asleep. The little guy starts to feel a little
airsick, but he''s afraid to wakethe big guy up to ask
if he can go to the bathroom. He knows he can''tclimb
over him, and so the little guy is sitting there, looking
at the big guy, trying to decide what to do.Suddenly,
the plane hits an air pocket and an uncontrollable wave
ofnausea passes through the little guy. He can''t hold
it in any longer and he pukes all over the big guy''s
chest.About five minutes later the big guy wakes up,
looks down, and sees thevomit all over him."So,"
says the little guy, "are you feeling better now?"
Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped,
turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long
wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked
the flight attendant, "What was the problem?"
"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in
the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and
it took us a while to find a new pilot."
Ever wonder why they never show the film ALIVE in-flight?......
It''s not because of the film''s content, it''s because
the people in the film are eating better than the people
on board.
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in
the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new
airplane in the living room. She heard her son said,
"All of you sons of bitches get the hell off the
plane now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you
sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in
the plane, cause we''re going to take-off now."The
mother went in and told her son, "We don''t use
that kind of language in this house. Now I want you
to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO
HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your plane,
but I want you to use nice language." Two hours
later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes
playing with his plane. Soon the mother heard her son
say, "All passengers who are deplaning, please
remember to take all of your belongings with you. We
thank you for flying with us today and hope your tr
ip was a pleasant one. We hope you will fly with us
again soon."She hears the little boy continue,
"For those of you just boarding, we ask you to
stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember,
there is no smoking on the plane. We hope you will have
a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."As
the mother began to smile, the child added, "For
those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay,
please see the bitch in the kitchen."
A plane was taking off from Kennedy. After it reached
a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an
announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and Gentlemen,
this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight number
293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather
ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth
flight, Now sit back and relax. - OH MY GOD!"SilenceThen,
the captain came back on the intercom and said: "Ladies
and Gentlemen, I an so sorry if I scared you earlier,
but while I was talking the flight attendant brought
me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my
lap. You should see the front of my pants!"A passenger
in Coach said: "That''s nothing. He should see
the back of mine!" |
